The following series of texts occurred after the Irish match on Monday:

FH to DON: What time is the swim on Saturday?

DON: 3pm.  Your absence will not be accepted.

FH: The soccer is on….

DON: The what?  The what???? Use Sky+.

FH: I feel kinda invested in it now that I watched the first game.

DON: Yes and you’ve nothing invested in swimming, of course.  I will pillory you from a height on the website if you miss the swim for soccer.   I will also tell Donal Buckley and set him on you.

There was no reply……

So, as you can see, threats against Mr. Finbarr were issued.  This article is to apologise for those threats.  Little did I know just how invested in soccer he really is.  I googled “What the f*@k does Mr. Finbarr know about soccer?” and was amazed to find several examples of the Hedderman soccer investiture.

There was Finbarr at a post-match press conference on Monday with his buddy, Martin:

Unfortunately, there were some signs of strife in the camp when Roy was asked about the postponement at a later conference.  Apparently there’s some bad blood between Roy and our hero, due to Finbarr’s insistence that Roy call him Mister.

There was an old shot of Finbarr with his Three Amigos.

And there was even one of Mr. Finbarr and Roy in happier times when they used to swim together.  Roy’s an awful man for falling out with fellas.  You can see he was starting to get a bit thick with Finbarr in this one.  He also quite fancied the look of Finbarr’s beard, I’d say – put a thought in his head about his own hirsuteness.

Even with all this evidence connecting him to soccer, I couldn’t begin to post the millions of pictures connecting Mr. Finbarr to swimming that are to be found on the web.  So, soccer or no soccer.  Match or no match. Invested or not invested – get entered now on Active.  

See you on Saturday – and I’m talking to YOU, Mr. Finbarr.

Waiting for Godot (/ˈɡɒdoʊ/ GOD-oh^[1]) is an absurdist play by Samuel Beckett, in which two characters, Vladimir and Estragon, wait endlessly and in vain for the arrival of someone named Godot.

How’s that for a fancy first line?  I copied it from Wikipedia.

Whatever about Godot, Mná na Myrtleville do not wait in vain for their Eoin(ot).

According to Denis unnamed reliable sources, on swim days now it’s all “Oh no, I won’t swim now, I’m waiting for Eoinot” and “Oh no,  I don’t want to swim with you, Denis unnamed person – I’m going to the Dutchman with Eoinot”.

Then it’s, “Thanks, Eoinot” and “You’re great, Eoinot” and “Have another bun, Eoinot.”  It’s enough to make Denis unnamed persons sick, they say.

“Fjlkin Eoinot this and Eoinot that – it’s all about Eoinot,” said a not-at-all-bitter unnamed person in Myrtleville on Sunday. “Not swimming with you, oh no, with Eoin, not you, oh no – Eoin”, he says that they say.  Poor unnamed person gets a tough time from the Mnás.

And as for Eoin(ot) – how does he get away with it?

Waiting for Eoinot – Myrtleville Style.

The shock departure of Ros O’Brien from the Myrtle Turtles channel relay team was skillfully handled by their PR gurus.  Announced late at night on March 1st and portrayed as an amicable split, it has taken considerable effort to unearth the true story – but our intrepid reporters have done it.

As many suspected, the ongoing troubles stemmed from further shenanigans by Eoin Lowry.  His proposal to change the team name to Lowry & The Lasses was the last straw for Ros.  Potentially photoshopped pictures submitted by Mr. Lowry to support his claim that he had the ability to bring “star” supporters to the team if the name was changed only inflamed the situation.

Ms. O’Brien was unavailable for on-the-record comment regarding her departure. (Off-the-record, friends of people who may know Ms. O’Brien’s friends or neighbours said she may possibly have said:  “Yer man’s a total header – seriously.  Once I saw the picture, I was out of there.”).  

The remaining non-Lowry members of the team are soldiering on with the four-person relay (one Lowry and three Lasses).  Our thoughts are with them.  We await – with trepidation – further developments.  

A gathering of the team is planned for today, St. Patrick’s Day.  What could possibly go wrong?