Russell’s at the Rock

Amazing news at the weekend as a local entrepreneur spotted an opportunity in adversity and announced the launch of a new business in Myrtleville. As some of you will know, Buoy 4 played hidies for a while on Friday – mostly to convince Laurence and Marcus they were gone mad: he’s a right messer, is 4 – but it reappeared in the night (Boo!).

While others saw problems in this situation, one man saw a chance to capture the zeitgeist and provide what all decent, right-thinking Irish people want when they are loyally following the government rules and socialising outdoors – drink.

Thinking blue-skyishly outside numerous boxes, Sam Russell recognised that mooring a floating bar at Buoy 4 would not only mitigate the risk of it disappearing again, but would also meet the needs of poor, thirsty swimmers gasping for a pint as they got halfway around a lap. Never one to rest on his laurels, Sam has sourced a suitable bar – see picture for a swimmer’s eye view of the new premises – and staffed it in full.

The staffing wasn’t as hard as it sounds. Sam quickly decided that if the business was to be called Russell’s at the Rock, it needed to be manned at all times by a Russell brother. This isn’t as onerous as you might think – at last count there were about a million Russell brothers. Also, since they abandoned hair colour as a differentiator, most of us won’t know which of them is on duty at any time. Especially after we’ve had a few.

The main hurdle for Sam was overcoming what he was sure would be a rigorous assessment and risk analysis by the infamously nit-picky Myrtleville Swimmers New Stuff Committee. The minutes from the emergency session of the Committee, held on Sunday, clearly show that Sam was right to be concerned.

Extract from minutes:

Committee: So you’ll be serving drink out at the Dutchman, like?

Sam Russell: Yes.

Committee: Proper drink? Beer, gin, vodka, like?

Sam Russell: Yes.

Committee: Feckit, dat’s de berries. Mine’s a pint, boy!

Meeting ended.

As you can see, rigorous. What could possibly go wrong?

See you at the Dutchman. The first round’s on Sam.