News has reached Myrtleville that our old friend, Fast Eddie Irwin, has been appointed to a position of Supreme Leader (AKA Chairman) in Sunday’s Well SC. Henceforth, all references to his eminence in these pages shall conform to the title of “Chairman Irwin” and be dutiful in their respectful commentary of his reign. All Hail!!
Draft text of a statement which might be issued by the Grand Council Of The Presidium Of The Supreme SWSC, joyfully sharing the news of the appointment.
To ensure the club can make a higher leap full of great ambition and confidence and usher in a Great Heyday of Swimming Full of Confidence in Victory, the Presidium today joyously confirms the elevation to the post of Chairman of his supreme eminence, Eddie Irwin, hereinafter referred to as Chairman Irwin.
Suddenly, the whole club is engulfed with happiness and the members endlessly inspired. We await Chairman Irwin’s munificent guidance to bring about a decisive turn in the improvement of the members’ standard of swimming and the building of a great, prosperous and powerful club by accelerating the development of swimming for members once again this year.***
*** Adapted with remarkable ease and surprisingly minimal wording changes from actual announcements by North Korea related to their own Great Leader.
Pictures have emerged online of Chairman Irwin springing into vigorous action to determine new locations for incentivised outdoor activity by members. Shown below, he toured what may have been the previously mentioned “fresh water” camps of North Cork-Korea.
He also took time to consider new indoor facilities for his beloved people / members. (Note: facilities shown are actually for the use of the Chairman only).
Finally, a picture shows the Chairman’s delight as his diligent and selfless toil to find ways to incentivise swimmers bears fruit. These incentivisers are expected to increase speeds considerably when introduced to club sessions.
We await with boundless happiness developments from the reign of the Chairman, joyously supported by his Comrades – Francisco & Bernardo Lynch et al. All Hail!!