Seal attacks!!! Kindof. Sorta. Maybe, like.

Consternation in Myrtleville this morning!  Kerfuffle! Discombobulation! Mad stuff altogether.

I was plodding along out by the corner at Bunnyconnellan when I saw three swimmers approaching.  At speed.  I mean – speed.  It was the intrepid trio of Bernie, Jim and Trev.  I turned around to head back to the beach – with them about 200 metres behind me.  I was 500m out.  As you can see from the first picture below (that’s me there in the distance on the left) they passed me – at speed, like – and were a good 200m ahead of me hitting the beach. 

Now, I’m slow.  I know that.  I’m fine with it.  I’m not that slow, though.  They’re not more than twice as fast as me.  Not on a normal day.  This was NOT a normal day.  The trio – they shouted – had suffered repeated, vicious, co-ordinated and just generally feckin awful seal attacks by up to nine seals.  It started at two but they were definitely talking about nine by the end of it.  I didn’t see any myself.  Must have been going too slowly.

I think the second picture below is Trevor explaining how close they had come to near death at the hands of Sealus Attackus Beastus.  Either that or he’s saying how big the seal was – which would take a bit away from the drama of the attack, to be honest, if it was that size.  I say IT, but I mean THEM – THEM, dozens of THEM.  You can see Bernard staring out to sea anxiously in case THEY were coming on still.  Terrifying, like.  No way was it just a couple of ould seals out for a quiet swim.  No way.  Attack.  Definitely an attack.

Despite their horrific experience, the trio posed for a picture with a fan (sound, lads) and then made their way shakingly up the beach, discussing googling “Seal Attacks” and whether warning signs should be put up.  Mad stuff.  Mad.

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE! Watch out for dogfish too.  Now THEY are vicious, I can tell ya that.  Don’t start me about dogfish.

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RNLI Swim 2018 – Photos

Thanks to Siobhan Russell for her fantastic work, as always.  For those of you who may not have access to these on Facebook, click on the link to see all the photos from the night:

RNLI Myrtleville-Church Bay 2018 Photos

Here’s a picture of the winner, Neddie Irwin.

Open Water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland

Neddie Irwin with Gary Heslin, RNLI and Bernard Lynch

Oh wait, that’s an old one.  That was 2013 when he did it in 33.22 and finished 18th – the youngest swimmer in the event.  He knocked a bit off that time this year to 22.15.  He must have done a bit of training for the past five years. And stretching.

Roll on 2019.  Hopefully without any wind-enforced postponements.

Thanks to all the volunteers who helped and the sponsors – the RNLI, Coast Guard, Gardai, Order of Malta, Funkytown, Sports Timing, Port of Cork, Centra Crosshaven, Cronin’s Pub, The Edge Sports, Happy Pear and numerous fantastic individuals without whom nothing could run.  All of your time and efforts are greatly appreciated.  Thanks to you all.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Here’s hoping your day is going well.  However it is going, it’s got to be better than poor Mike Harris’ morning.  After a beautiful swim in Myrtleville (sure where else would he be?) Mr. Harris was subjected to checking if someone needed a shower before being allowed into the sea.  No sign of the Lynx effect, chez Lynch.  Feck sake, there’s a special offer on deodorant in Centra Crosshaven.  Does he not know that?

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone.  Good luck to Nemo and Ireland!

Notification of suspension

The Committee Of Leading Dignitaries Who Initiate Necessary Decisions  (C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.) have met in closed session and are happy enough regret to announce that Denis Condon has been suspended from having a presence on the beach for one week.  (He still has to go down and clean off the shower area as part of his community service, though.  He has to stay on the concrete bit.  Watch him – make sure he does.)

The decision on this suspension has not been taken lightly but the weather has been shocking and somebody has to be responsible.  Mr. Condon is that person.

Ranting on the suspension, the Committee Chairperson said: 

“For feck sake, Denis, stop putting up on Facebook about beastie easties and lack of sand and all that crap.  Say nothing and the waves won’t be there.  The snow was bad enough but we left you off that one.  You’re just tearing the ass out of it now with this latest carry-on.”

This “say-nothing” approach has, of course, been scientifically proven to work. 

The Chairperson continued less rantingly:

“We look forward to welcoming Mr. Condon back to the beach and among the throngs of Myrtleville Swimmers, once he’s copped on about all this bad weather talk.”

By Order  —  C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.

Mr. Denis Condon.   Completely to blame for the bad weather.

Sandycove Fundraiser – please support

As an extension of our #supporttheweakercounties initiative to try to keep swimming alive down West, we noted that our SISC friends are now resorting to promotion of money laundering activities – presumably to defray costs of goat feed etc.  

This email was received from Swim Sandycove’s google group email –

Once again, we earnestly exhort all Myrtlevillians to spare a thought for our less fortunate near-neighbours (the few of them that are left) and consider a swim near d’Island to keep up the pretence it’s a popular swimming venue.  While you’re there, see if there’s a poor box that you could slip a few quid into so they can abandon this money-laundering plan.  It’s not one of their better ones.

With the commitment of just a tiny percentage of the hundreds and hundreds (and hundreds) of Myrtleville Swimmers, we can help out these poor few unfortunates. 

 #supporttheweakercounties       #feedthegoats

New 2 & 1/2 Dutchman Laps Award Announcement

As the home of swimming in Cork, Myrtleville is rightly seen as a leader in all areas of right-thinking-swimmy-stuff.  As part of our leadership role, the proliferation of “lap achievement” awards from smaller, more Westerly swimming groups (if three people on a good day counts as a group) has been noted.  Hats and T-Shirts abound for any-old-number-you-fancy-yourself, down West. 

In a carefully considered response, the Committee Of Nominations Around Really Tough Individual Swimmy Thing Stuff (work out that acronym for yourself) have today announced what is sure to become the pre-eminent, sought-after award for all aspiring sea swimmers, The Goat-Free Myrtleville Marathoner 2 & 1/2 Dutchman Laps Award.

Guideline map of Two and a half a laps with clear numbering system.

While other “awards” are handed out like confetti to anyone who picks a number of laps out of a hat (and then puts that number on a hat), our criteria are different (now there’s a surprise), transparent and are – in fact – the most tremendous criteria ever for an award system.

The numbering system shown above – as provided by Mr. James Shalloo – to determine how many half laps (#goat-free) have been achieved follows a sequential process in iterations of one from the first to the third in relevant marker points, each of which marks a point on which one of the sequential numbers is marked.  How clear is that?

If you’re still in doubt, here’s a clearer picture of a lap around the Dutchman to give you guidance.  Note lack of goats and the precise angles of turns required for lap measurement.  On this point, please note that submission of Strava data to verify laps is strictly forbidden.  It is understood from sources at the North Corkorea Camps that this data is being used to track the vast volumes of swimmers in Myrtleville, as a pre-cursor to further attempts to lure them away to the “fresh” water.

The Award will be overseen by internationally-renowned marathon swimming coach, Eilis Burns, who is herself one of the first proud recipients. Ms. Burns rightly attributes her international success in Spain a few years back to her annual dip in Myrtleville.  Ms. Burns will be supervising training plans and ensuring that all aspiring swimmers are fully prepared for this challenge.  She is pictured here at the Announcement of the Award and Inaugural Recipients.

As ever, Viva Myrtleville!