Vote on the new towel colours!

Already acknowledged – by loads of people around Myrtleville – as the best in the world, Myrtleville Swimmers are branching out into our own towel production!  Yes, that is correct and not just another thing I made up:-)

Soon to be donned and displayed on beaches across the world is the brand spanking new and latest must-have beach fashion item – the Myrtleville Swimmers towel! However, members of TCFTSOTC (The Committee For The Selection Of Towel Colours) are divided as to what colour towel we should create. Which would you prefer?

Planned towel size is big – 100cm x 180cm if possible – and we expect pricing around €20 each.

Please note that if we don’t like the result we’ll just ignore it, or run the poll again until we get the right one.  The fact that we don’t know what is the right decision in no way invalidates this statement – but may invalidate the poll.  There’s democracy for you 🙂

Mark your diary – Saturday, June 10th, 2017

The RNLI Myrtleville-Church Bay swim for 2017 will be on Saturday, June 10th at 5 pm. High tide that day will be at 7pm.  Fantastic conditions are expected 🙂

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Don’t say you didn’t get enough notice 🙂

Turtle training going well

The Myrtle Turtles English Channel relay team are moving closer to their July date with destiny.  Training is going well and more changeover practice was done on Saturday.  First they practiced hoisting the flag in France – important positive visualisation work.

Open water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland.

When we get to France – do this, but in togs…

Changeovers got done, mileage is being clocked up – all good stuff: until the boatman decided to have a meltdown and began pondering the meaning of life, growing a beard etc.

You just can't get the help - Anne and Eoin try to convince the deep thinker to get the boat moving again.

You just can’t get the help – Anne and Eoin try to convince the deep thinker to get the boat moving again.

Go Turtles!  It’s going to be a great day out.  Proper updates being done on the Myrtle Turtles Facebook page.  Also, follow @myrtleturtles on Twitter.

Brexit refugees arriving at Myrtleville

Shocking scenes at Myrtleville beach today as word spread of refugees coming ashore from a boat, carrying their meager possessions in Centra bags.  It is thought they were seeking sanctuary from the fallout of the Brexit vote.


Their leader – identified only as Lynchie – was unable to enlighten onlookers as to their plight merely stating he was glad to be back on land and the sea was “feckin freezin”.

The group were helped on arrival by Barbara Anne Richardson, who supported them with coffee and kind words after their harrowing trip.


It is not known why Myrtleville was chosen as their landing point but members of the Cregan-Condon crime family were sighted on the beach. It is feared trafficking may be the latest in their nefarious endeavours.


Three swim dates

Three swims we’ve been asked to mention are:

Loch Alleu on July 9th,

Inchydoney on August 7th 

East Ferry on August 13th (Update: This date is incorrect and is being moved.    Will post details when we have them).  

Details for each are below.

Entry details for the Loch Alleu Swim on Saturday, July 9th:


Bad Behaviour at the RNLI Swim

We have been contacted by legal representatives of Mr. Ned Denison to advise that their client’s reputation has been impugned greviously, following publication of a picture of him spraying a young athlete with water.   The attorneys allege that Mr. Denison only acted badly because “loads of others were too”.  To avoid costly litigation, it has been agreed that examples of this bad behaviour by others will be published and the perpetrators named and shamed, so that Ned’s not alone.  Here goes….

Before the swim even began, two fellas arrived at the back of Siobhan Russell’s house and set up an illegal halting site.  They said they hadn’t been camping for forty years.  The tent looks like it was around longer than that.  Couldn’t get rid of them, Siobhan said.

Open water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland.

Des Hayes & Kevin Cooper with their illegal encampment, chez Russell.

At registration, a “trader” was looking to offload dodgy stocks of red, sheathed, rubber products.  Seriously, would you buy a used hat from this man?  What was it used for?

Open water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland.

Eoin O’Riordan flashes his wares.

To be fair, not everyone was being really bad.  Some were just being a bit cheeky.

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Poor old Shane Gannon got an insight into the real Gordon Adair at the end of the swim. Shane was just trying to get to the finish line when he was shoved aside by the marauding Mr. Adair racing home.  None of that sissy sportsmanlike stuff for Gordon.  That LCHF diet’s making him fierce cranky.

Open water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland.

Outta my way, Gannon. I’m the one in togs around here – and I’m hungry too.

Another ultra-competitive Alpha-male wasn’t going to get beaten to the line.  Glen Barton – caught on camera attempting to sabotage Joanne Horgan’s great swim.  Of course, it could just have been jealousy of her orange hat – all sold out already: have to order more.

Open water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland.

Glen Barton clearly tries to sabotage Joanne Horgan’s swim – and steal her orange hat too, I’d say.

Horrifyingly, one swimmer attempted to hide at the start, with plans to drive to Church Bay and get a fast time.  Caught. The Cregan-Condon criminal plots know no bounds.

Open water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland.

Denis Condon lurking in the shallows – planning to join the swim at the end.

Finally with all the badness over and done, the organisers prepared to hand out the many spot-prizes, including some very nice bottles of wine.  Strangely, they couldn’t be found anywhere.  Anyone see them?  Marie..?

Open water, sea swimming in Cork, Ireland.

Butter wouldn’t melt….

Ned Denison behaving badly?  Plenty of company there 🙂

Age Action – Myrtleville

The average age of the 160 entries in the swim last Saturday was 46.  This ranged from the youngest swimmer at 13 (Neddie Irwin – third overall and first person home in togs) to the oldest at 70 (Mr. Harris!).   At the front of the pack on the day, James Mintern, age 16, led the field home.  With young athletes like that, how the hell could the average age of the top three men still be about 33 years? 

Well, it’s this guy’s fault – at double the combined age of the other two – he came in fifth overall and third of the men.

Ned Denison (aged 13 & 1/2 years but 58 according to his birth cert) is an international legend and a mainstay of all open water swimming in Cork.  The entries opened for our swim last April and for three days we had only one entrant – Ned.  He asks people to enter early for all swims – he acts accordingly.  

He’s an unstoppable force, but to give everyone else a chance we did try to implement a handicapping system to slow him down.  Didn’t work.

Ned Denison: open water swimming, Cork.

I attempt to bring down the Denison to blunt his speed.  I was busy shouting “Go!!” at the other swimmers.  It was like trying to knock the statue of Liberty.

Everyone knows he’s a bad sport, of course.  Never encourages other swimmers, always thinking of himself.  Prostrating himself in front of Neddie Irwin at the finish while shouting “All hail the new king!” is a good example of that failure to think of others 🙂13434756_1436792159680000_7727731215068289931_n

He was just biding his time, though.  As soon as he could, Ned showed Neddie who was boss.  What a bad sport.  Great shot, though.13428659_1436792239679992_349801179902299707_n

The young ‘uns might have taken him in calm seas on Saturday, but if there had been a bit more “texture on the water” as Ned likes to say, who’d bet against him?  Age really is just a number.