This 14th of February, let’s give due homage to the Valentinest Valentine of them all.
Denis. One name – that’s all that’s needed. Like Pele. Bono. Rasputin. Prince. One name – a single word – and everyone knows who you mean. His fame abounds. That one name conjures up the images. Female admirers flock to see him swim. Meet him. Be with him. Warm him, post-swim.
Some use other single words to describe him. Casanova. Charmer. Langer (they’re just jealous fellas, Denis – don’t mind them: it’s seeing the queue for a spin in the Yaris that drives the other men mad).Yes, of course, there are begrudgers. No man with such a magnetic attraction for d’opposite sex could avoid the envy of other, less sensually successful men. As his adoring mnás surround him each day, the other men wonder, “how does he do it”?
How does he have them flock to him, while he loudly laments, “Ye’re all ancient. ‘Tis young wans we want down here, not a load of ould cougars. Young wans, I’m tellin’ye. The rest of ye can bring de buns, though, then go down the slip out of sight of the newer models. We need upgrades around here.”
How does he survive – and thrive? “Treatin dem mean, to keep dem keen, like.” And yet – still they come to pay homage. Feeding him. Lauding him with buns. Amazing. He must have phenomenal pheromones.
Let’s not wonder too much. Let’s just learn from him, lads. Acknowledge and admire him. His is the way, the truth and the light. Follow the path of Denis and the rich Bounties of life will be yours too (or if not Bounties, some nice buns at least). Denis’s Day. One to celebrate. Get up, ya good thing.