New 2 & 1/2 Dutchman Laps Award Announcement

As the home of swimming in Cork, Myrtleville is rightly seen as a leader in all areas of right-thinking-swimmy-stuff.  As part of our leadership role, the proliferation of “lap achievement” awards from smaller, more Westerly swimming groups (if three people on a good day counts as a group) has been noted.  Hats and T-Shirts abound for any-old-number-you-fancy-yourself, down West. 

In a carefully considered response, the Committee Of Nominations Around Really Tough Individual Swimmy Thing Stuff (work out that acronym for yourself) have today announced what is sure to become the pre-eminent, sought-after award for all aspiring sea swimmers, The Goat-Free Myrtleville Marathoner 2 & 1/2 Dutchman Laps Award.

Guideline map of Two and a half a laps with clear numbering system.

While other “awards” are handed out like confetti to anyone who picks a number of laps out of a hat (and then puts that number on a hat), our criteria are different (now there’s a surprise), transparent and are – in fact – the most tremendous criteria ever for an award system.

The numbering system shown above – as provided by Mr. James Shalloo – to determine how many half laps (#goat-free) have been achieved follows a sequential process in iterations of one from the first to the third in relevant marker points, each of which marks a point on which one of the sequential numbers is marked.  How clear is that?

If you’re still in doubt, here’s a clearer picture of a lap around the Dutchman to give you guidance.  Note lack of goats and the precise angles of turns required for lap measurement.  On this point, please note that submission of Strava data to verify laps is strictly forbidden.  It is understood from sources at the North Corkorea Camps that this data is being used to track the vast volumes of swimmers in Myrtleville, as a pre-cursor to further attempts to lure them away to the “fresh” water.

The Award will be overseen by internationally-renowned marathon swimming coach, Eilis Burns, who is herself one of the first proud recipients. Ms. Burns rightly attributes her international success in Spain a few years back to her annual dip in Myrtleville.  Ms. Burns will be supervising training plans and ensuring that all aspiring swimmers are fully prepared for this challenge.  She is pictured here at the Announcement of the Award and Inaugural Recipients.

As ever, Viva Myrtleville!

Dansformation Update

Denis was delighted with the response to his call for support for Daniel.  He mentioned that Caitriona (otherwise known as the Inspector of Weights and Measures) was already seeing results.  Keep up the cheerleading, everyone.

Of course, this type of endeavour is fraught with difficulty and temptations.  Everywhere you turn, people are saying “sure a biscuit would do you no harm….” or “you’ll have a few chips with that, go on, go on…”.  Beware, Daniel, underminers are everywhere.  Look at this one, for example – Jess the Temptress….

Stay strong, Daniel.  You have your supporters.  B.A. Richardson, says she’ll lamp anyone who gets in the way of your goals.   B.A. Baracus wouldn’t stand a chance.

It was also great to see that Daniel recognises everyone could do with a little help in defying the march of time.  He’s slathering on the Ageless Beauty Lotion (“designed for the sensitive man”) to complement his reductional measurement programme. 

What an inspiration to his followers everywhere.  (Does anyone in Barnsley read this stuff – I wonder what they’d think?). I reckon there’s a media career in the offing here.  Maybe a column in The Carrigdhoun – “Ask Daniel – How to Improve your Life, the Barnsley Way”.  Siobhan might get him in there – she’s huge in all those media circles..  #GODANIEL

Operation Dansformation

Denis Condon has been in touch to say he’s disappointed with the level of support being offered to our resettled Barnsleyian, Daniel Swagrzyk.

Daniel – Denis says – has been given his New Year’s resolution by Cáitriona  made a decision to alter his body shape in a reductional fashion. Despite his acknowledged ability to walk on water, even Daniel can be improved, apparently.  Denis mentioned “two stone, or he’s out – that’s what I heard” – but surely that can’t be true.

Denis is putting the call out for more vocal exhortations to support Daniel in his efforts.  He suggests encouraging Daniel with shouts of “Get on dat bike and up dat hill, ya fecker” whenever we meet him.

Rest assured, Daniel, your fellow Myrtlevillians are right behind you in your campaign.  With Denis reminding us daily, we’ll be shouting you on and looking forward to the day when we can have a massive BBQ – with cakes to celebrate your success.  Just a salad for you though, Denis said.

Grab a “bargain” over on eBay

It’s that time of year when eBay handles the disposal of mountains of unwanted crap handed over as Christmas gifts.  To highlight one listing – the “seller” is offering to pay anyone who’ll come and take away an item that mysteriously landed in his wife’s present pile.  It’s hideous – even the dog isn’t happy to have it as bedding.  What a load of goat shite.

Goats?????  Get it off me!!!

Goats????? Get it off me!!!  Call the CSPCA!!!

Best crew!

Volunteers matter!

Congrats to Eoin Lowry and Anne Sheehy – winners of the Devil’s Island Trophy 2017 who crewed the most interesting, completed epic swim during the year. The swimmer was Maeve Mulcahy and it was the Fastnet to Baltimore swim.

This will be presented during the Cork Spring Dinner.

Thanks to all who volunteered in 2017: organisers, crew, pilots, kayaker, timekeepers, webmasters, checkin and checkout team…etc. The sport doesn’t happen without you.

Eight nominations were received and voted on by the panel of Steven Black – West Cork, Adrian Healy – Mallow, Ned Denison – Sandycove, Damian O’Neill – Myrtleville and Dave Mulcahy – Fermoy

Last minute gift? All sorted.

Everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – would love a Myrtleville Towel or Hat this Christmas.  Whether it’s the Mr. Finbarr or Yankee Ned in your life, there’s nothing they’d love more.  

For a stocking filler to be proud of, call to Bernie in Centra Crosshaven for a cool Towel or Hat. 

Thanks to Centra staff for facilitating distribution of these by the way – it’s a hassle for them for no cost to us Myrtlevillians.  Much easier than using the boots of our cars and messing around with change! Much appreciated.

De Video – 2017

If I’m asked – and I often am – why so many people have taken to swimming in Myrtleville I say, “Siobhan Russell”.  In this digital age, having an in-beach photographer who captures the fun of sea swimming is fantastic.  People trying to decide if they should take the plunge and try getting in to the sea can browse online and clearly see others who may look a bit mad (we do), but who definitely are having fun.  Siobhan captures that and it’s easy to forget how lucky we are to have her.

Here’s this year’s labour of love showing us all in all our glory!  Have a coffee and a relax.  It’s worth it.   Thanks, Siobhan.  You are a star.

Lip liner? Seriously?

It’s gone mad now.  Everything.  The world.  Mad. 

One constant I had to cling to in life was that the car boot is where you keep swimmy stuff.  Everyone the same.  Dumped there.  Loads of it.  Clean it out a couple of times a year.  Grand.  Comforting, though.  You know your swimmy stuff is there.  Togs.  Goggles.  Hats.  Flasks.  Towels.  Lip liner.  Wha?

“I’ve lip liner in the boot, if you need it”.  Words I never thought I’d hear at the top of Myrtleville beach.  Until yesterday.  Then I noticed various ladies unwilling to get out of their cars until they had primped, preened and titivated to their satisfaction. 

Is this the Instagram generation taking us over?  “I wouldn’t be seen dead at the Dutchman without lipstick….”?  “It’s under 10c, I’d better use a different foundation….”?

Seriously, ladies, ye don’t need to be listening to Denis.  Ye’re gorgeous just they way ye are.  Clean out those boots now.  Put the lippy back in the house where it belongs.  Go for the natural look.  Like these icons.  Not a lip liner between them.

Really now.   Kiss that lip liner goodbye.

The size of the fight in the dog…..

It’s a true saying – it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.  Great examples spring to mind in sport, from the bould Joe Deane laying waste to massive Tipp defenders for years (never lost to Tipp in his whole career, our Deano) to this iconic Peter Stringer image – as he prepared to hold his own with men apparently twice his size…

Gwan ya good ting, Strings.

Now, to relate this to our own OWS world we have a new iconic image to treasure, as our local hero, Bernie Lynch, refuses to be intimidated by the giants of the sport around him and gets right in to the picture – as good as any of ’em, boy!

Gwan, Bernie!  Hup ya boy ya!!  Feck de begrudgers!!!  Happy birthday, Ned 🙂