Swim Sponsors announced

During a review of the 2017 Myrtleville to Church Bay event, it was noted that some participants commented that there were only prizes for first to third in male and female categories.  Other boys and girls felt left out and went home feeling sad that they didn’t get a prize.  “Other swims give everyone a prize”, said one commenter.  “I deserve a medal too”, said Pat Lowry another sad boy.

Responding to this feedback, the non-committee of the Church Bay swim conducted a call for voluntary sponsors, in order that an expanded range of prizes would be on offer.  While we won’t have one for everybody in the audience, there will be more winning swimmers.  We are delighted to announce four new categories, prizes and sponsors.

Given that this is a new departure for our event, we felt it was appropriate to allow each sponsor to nominate – or indeed, invent – the category for which their prize would be awarded.  The criteria for each winner were decided by the various sponsors.

The additional prizes to be competed for on July 3rd are:

  • Category One:  First female swimmer named Sheehy who has a sister named Carmen
  • Prize: Romantic night for two in Charlie’s Bar on Union Quay
  • Sponsor: Denis Condon
  • Category Two: First male breast stroke swimmer from Barnsley who knows his way round the snap and sup in KC’s
  • Prize: 1 year subscription to Weight Watchers
  • Sponsor: Cáit Ní Ghréilligh
  • Category Three: First mustachioed Alcatraz swimmer named John, who helps out Penny Dinners a lot
  • Prize: Voucher entitling winner to pay for two weeks holiday in Lanzarote
  • Sponsor: Martina Kiely
  • Category Four: First brave boy named Pat who has a brother called Eoin and does paramedicy stuff
  • Prize:  A big hug from his fan club
  • Sponsor:  Denise Lowry

We are hopeful that we will receive further similar no-strings-attached sponsorship offerings.  Great to see the generosity of our sponsors.  

Don’t miss your chance to win!  Get entered now:

https://www.active.com/cork-countycork/water-sports/swimming/rnli-myrtleville-church-bay-2km-open-water-swim-2018

 

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Notification of suspension

The Committee Of Leading Dignitaries Who Initiate Necessary Decisions  (C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.) have met in closed session and are happy enough regret to announce that Denis Condon has been suspended from having a presence on the beach for one week.  (He still has to go down and clean off the shower area as part of his community service, though.  He has to stay on the concrete bit.  Watch him – make sure he does.)

The decision on this suspension has not been taken lightly but the weather has been shocking and somebody has to be responsible.  Mr. Condon is that person.

Ranting on the suspension, the Committee Chairperson said: 

“For feck sake, Denis, stop putting up on Facebook about beastie easties and lack of sand and all that crap.  Say nothing and the waves won’t be there.  The snow was bad enough but we left you off that one.  You’re just tearing the ass out of it now with this latest carry-on.”

This “say-nothing” approach has, of course, been scientifically proven to work. 

The Chairperson continued less rantingly:

“We look forward to welcoming Mr. Condon back to the beach and among the throngs of Myrtleville Swimmers, once he’s copped on about all this bad weather talk.”

By Order  —  C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.

Mr. Denis Condon.   Completely to blame for the bad weather.

New 2 & 1/2 Dutchman Laps Award Announcement

As the home of swimming in Cork, Myrtleville is rightly seen as a leader in all areas of right-thinking-swimmy-stuff.  As part of our leadership role, the proliferation of “lap achievement” awards from smaller, more Westerly swimming groups (if three people on a good day counts as a group) has been noted.  Hats and T-Shirts abound for any-old-number-you-fancy-yourself, down West. 

In a carefully considered response, the Committee Of Nominations Around Really Tough Individual Swimmy Thing Stuff (work out that acronym for yourself) have today announced what is sure to become the pre-eminent, sought-after award for all aspiring sea swimmers, The Goat-Free Myrtleville Marathoner 2 & 1/2 Dutchman Laps Award.

Guideline map of Two and a half a laps with clear numbering system.

While other “awards” are handed out like confetti to anyone who picks a number of laps out of a hat (and then puts that number on a hat), our criteria are different (now there’s a surprise), transparent and are – in fact – the most tremendous criteria ever for an award system.

The numbering system shown above – as provided by Mr. James Shalloo – to determine how many half laps (#goat-free) have been achieved follows a sequential process in iterations of one from the first to the third in relevant marker points, each of which marks a point on which one of the sequential numbers is marked.  How clear is that?

If you’re still in doubt, here’s a clearer picture of a lap around the Dutchman to give you guidance.  Note lack of goats and the precise angles of turns required for lap measurement.  On this point, please note that submission of Strava data to verify laps is strictly forbidden.  It is understood from sources at the North Corkorea Camps that this data is being used to track the vast volumes of swimmers in Myrtleville, as a pre-cursor to further attempts to lure them away to the “fresh” water.

The Award will be overseen by internationally-renowned marathon swimming coach, Eilis Burns, who is herself one of the first proud recipients. Ms. Burns rightly attributes her international success in Spain a few years back to her annual dip in Myrtleville.  Ms. Burns will be supervising training plans and ensuring that all aspiring swimmers are fully prepared for this challenge.  She is pictured here at the Announcement of the Award and Inaugural Recipients.

As ever, Viva Myrtleville!

Dansformation Update

Denis was delighted with the response to his call for support for Daniel.  He mentioned that Caitriona (otherwise known as the Inspector of Weights and Measures) was already seeing results.  Keep up the cheerleading, everyone.

Of course, this type of endeavour is fraught with difficulty and temptations.  Everywhere you turn, people are saying “sure a biscuit would do you no harm….” or “you’ll have a few chips with that, go on, go on…”.  Beware, Daniel, underminers are everywhere.  Look at this one, for example – Jess the Temptress….

Stay strong, Daniel.  You have your supporters.  B.A. Richardson, says she’ll lamp anyone who gets in the way of your goals.   B.A. Baracus wouldn’t stand a chance.

It was also great to see that Daniel recognises everyone could do with a little help in defying the march of time.  He’s slathering on the Ageless Beauty Lotion (“designed for the sensitive man”) to complement his reductional measurement programme. 

What an inspiration to his followers everywhere.  (Does anyone in Barnsley read this stuff – I wonder what they’d think?). I reckon there’s a media career in the offing here.  Maybe a column in The Carrigdhoun – “Ask Daniel – How to Improve your Life, the Barnsley Way”.  Siobhan might get him in there – she’s huge in all those media circles..  #GODANIEL

Operation Dansformation

Denis Condon has been in touch to say he’s disappointed with the level of support being offered to our resettled Barnsleyian, Daniel Swagrzyk.

Daniel – Denis says – has been given his New Year’s resolution by Cáitriona  made a decision to alter his body shape in a reductional fashion. Despite his acknowledged ability to walk on water, even Daniel can be improved, apparently.  Denis mentioned “two stone, or he’s out – that’s what I heard” – but surely that can’t be true.

Denis is putting the call out for more vocal exhortations to support Daniel in his efforts.  He suggests encouraging Daniel with shouts of “Get on dat bike and up dat hill, ya fecker” whenever we meet him.

Rest assured, Daniel, your fellow Myrtlevillians are right behind you in your campaign.  With Denis reminding us daily, we’ll be shouting you on and looking forward to the day when we can have a massive BBQ – with cakes to celebrate your success.  Just a salad for you though, Denis said.

Grab a “bargain” over on eBay

It’s that time of year when eBay handles the disposal of mountains of unwanted crap handed over as Christmas gifts.  To highlight one listing – the “seller” is offering to pay anyone who’ll come and take away an item that mysteriously landed in his wife’s present pile.  It’s hideous – even the dog isn’t happy to have it as bedding.  What a load of goat shite.

Goats?????  Get it off me!!!

Goats????? Get it off me!!!  Call the CSPCA!!!

De Video – 2017

If I’m asked – and I often am – why so many people have taken to swimming in Myrtleville I say, “Siobhan Russell”.  In this digital age, having an in-beach photographer who captures the fun of sea swimming is fantastic.  People trying to decide if they should take the plunge and try getting in to the sea can browse online and clearly see others who may look a bit mad (we do), but who definitely are having fun.  Siobhan captures that and it’s easy to forget how lucky we are to have her.

Here’s this year’s labour of love showing us all in all our glory!  Have a coffee and a relax.  It’s worth it.   Thanks, Siobhan.  You are a star.