Here’s hoping your day is going well. However it is going, it’s got to be better than poor Mike Harris’ morning. After a beautiful swim in Myrtleville (sure where else would he be?) Mr. Harris was subjected to checking if someone needed a shower before being allowed into the sea. No sign of the Lynx effect, chez Lynch. Feck sake, there’s a special offer on deodorant in Centra Crosshaven. Does he not know that?
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone. Good luck to Nemo and Ireland!
The Committee Of Leading Dignitaries Who Initiate Necessary Decisions (C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.) have met in closed session and are happy enough regret to announce that Denis Condon has been suspended from having a presence on the beach for one week. (He still has to go down and clean off the shower area as part of his community service, though. He has to stay on the concrete bit. Watch him – make sure he does.)
The decision on this suspension has not been taken lightly but the weather has been shocking and somebody has to be responsible. Mr. Condon is that person.
Ranting on the suspension, the Committee Chairperson said:
“For feck sake, Denis, stop putting up on Facebook about beastie easties and lack of sand and all that crap. Say nothing and the waves won’t be there. The snow was bad enough but we left you off that one. You’re just tearing the ass out of it now with this latest carry-on.”
This “say-nothing” approach has, of course, been scientifically proven to work.
The Chairperson continued less rantingly:
“We look forward to welcoming Mr. Condon back to the beach and among the throngs of Myrtleville Swimmers, once he’s copped on about all this bad weather talk.”
By Order — C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.
Mr. Denis Condon. Completely to blame for the bad weather.
As an extension of our #supporttheweakercounties initiative to try to keep swimming alive down West, we noted that our SISC friends are now resorting to promotion of money laundering activities – presumably to defray costs of goat feed etc.
This email was received from Swim Sandycove’s google group email –
Once again, we earnestly exhort all Myrtlevillians to spare a thought for our less fortunate near-neighbours (the few of them that are left) and consider a swim near d’Island to keep up the pretence it’s a popular swimming venue. While you’re there, see if there’s a poor box that you could slip a few quid into so they can abandon this money-laundering plan. It’s not one of their better ones.
With the commitment of just a tiny percentage of the hundreds and hundreds (and hundreds) of Myrtleville Swimmers, we can help out these poor few unfortunates.
#supporttheweakercounties #feedthegoats
As the home of swimming in Cork, Myrtleville is rightly seen as a leader in all areas of right-thinking-swimmy-stuff. As part of our leadership role, the proliferation of “lap achievement” awards from smaller, more Westerly swimming groups (if three people on a good day counts as a group) has been noted. Hats and T-Shirts abound for any-old-number-you-fancy-yourself, down West.
In a carefully considered response, the Committee Of Nominations Around Really Tough Individual Swimmy Thing Stuff (work out that acronym for yourself) have today announced what is sure to become the pre-eminent, sought-after award for all aspiring sea swimmers, The Goat-Free Myrtleville Marathoner 2 & 1/2 Dutchman Laps Award.
Guideline map of Two and a half a laps with clear numbering system.
While other “awards” are handed out like confetti to anyone who picks a number of laps out of a hat (and then puts that number on a hat), our criteria are different (now there’s a surprise), transparent and are – in fact – the most tremendous criteria ever for an award system.
The numbering system shown above – as provided by Mr. James Shalloo – to determine how many half laps (#goat-free) have been achieved follows a sequential process in iterations of one from the first to the third in relevant marker points, each of which marks a point on which one of the sequential numbers is marked. How clear is that?
If you’re still in doubt, here’s a clearer picture of a lap around the Dutchman to give you guidance. Note lack of goats and the precise angles of turns required for lap measurement. On this point, please note that submission of Strava data to verify laps is strictly forbidden. It is understood from sources at the North Corkorea Camps that this data is being used to track the vast volumes of swimmers in Myrtleville, as a pre-cursor to further attempts to lure them away to the “fresh” water.
The Award will be overseen by internationally-renowned marathon swimming coach, Eilis Burns, who is herself one of the first proud recipients. Ms. Burns rightly attributes her international success in Spain a few years back to her annual dip in Myrtleville. Ms. Burns will be supervising training plans and ensuring that all aspiring swimmers are fully prepared for this challenge. She is pictured here at the Announcement of the Award and Inaugural Recipients.
As ever, Viva Myrtleville!
It’s gone mad now. Everything. The world. Mad.
One constant I had to cling to in life was that the car boot is where you keep swimmy stuff. Everyone the same. Dumped there. Loads of it. Clean it out a couple of times a year. Grand. Comforting, though. You know your swimmy stuff is there. Togs. Goggles. Hats. Flasks. Towels. Lip liner. Wha?
“I’ve lip liner in the boot, if you need it”. Words I never thought I’d hear at the top of Myrtleville beach. Until yesterday. Then I noticed various ladies unwilling to get out of their cars until they had primped, preened and titivated to their satisfaction. 
Is this the Instagram generation taking us over? “I wouldn’t be seen dead at the Dutchman without lipstick….”? “It’s under 10c, I’d better use a different foundation….”?
Seriously, ladies, ye don’t need to be listening to Denis. Ye’re gorgeous just they way ye are. Clean out those boots now. Put the lippy back in the house where it belongs. Go for the natural look. Like these icons. Not a lip liner between them.
Really now. Kiss that lip liner goodbye.
It’s a true saying – it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. Great examples spring to mind in sport, from the bould Joe Deane laying waste to massive Tipp defenders for years (never lost to Tipp in his whole career, our Deano) to this iconic Peter Stringer image – as he prepared to hold his own with men apparently twice his size…
Gwan ya good ting, Strings.
Now, to relate this to our own OWS world we have a new iconic image to treasure, as our local hero, Bernie Lynch, refuses to be intimidated by the giants of the sport around him and gets right in to the picture – as good as any of ’em, boy!
Gwan, Bernie! Hup ya boy ya!! Feck de begrudgers!!! Happy birthday, Ned 🙂
The Swimmer, a short film featuring Steve Redmond, will be in the Cork Film Festival on Saturday next at 4pm in the Everyman Theatre.
Steve’s film is part of the International Short Films section and the line-up of films looks like a great couple of hours of entertainment.
Tickets can be booked here: Cork Film Festival Tickets
If you can be in town on Saturday, Steve would be delighted to see any swimmers there.
Meet the stars – Steve Redmond gets to have his photo taken with Pat Higgins and Tom Bermingham. “Better than any Oceans Seven”, said Steve 🙂
Update from Aisling Barry:
The forecast for Saturday is looking good with light West winds. We have 58 people registered for the Vampire Swim and we have only ordered 100 hats. If you’re not registered we cannot guarantee you a hat. Email vampireswimcork@gmail.com to ensure you’re on the list.
Cost is €10 and all proceeds are going to the Children’s Unit in CUH.
To donate blood, ring the Blood Bank and make an appointment – details on http://www.giveblood.ie. Thanks to everyone who has done this already.
Remember – swimmers need to register their names to vampireswimcork@gmail.com. If you don’t register, you don’t get a hat.
Toes in the water at 12 midday on Saturday, 28th October. There will be a few nibbles afterwards on the beach. All are welcome – swimmers or not – but fancy dress expected!
Any questions contact Marie or Aisling on the email above.
Mark your diaries for the Turkey Swim Dates 2017! Times, Locations & Dates below…
Myrtleville Swimmers 