The Committee Of Leading Dignitaries Who Initiate Necessary Decisions (C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.) have met in closed session and
are happy enough regret to announce that Denis Condon has been suspended from having a presence on the beach for one week. (He still has to go down and clean off the shower area as part of his community service, though. He has to stay on the concrete bit. Watch him – make sure he does.)
The decision on this suspension has not been taken lightly but the weather has been shocking and somebody has to be responsible. Mr. Condon is that person.
Ranting on the suspension, the Committee Chairperson said:
“For feck sake, Denis, stop putting up on Facebook about beastie easties and lack of sand and all that crap. Say nothing and the waves won’t be there. The snow was bad enough but we left you off that one. You’re just tearing the ass out of it now with this latest carry-on.”
This “say-nothing” approach has, of course, been scientifically proven to work.
The Chairperson continued less rantingly:
“We look forward to welcoming Mr. Condon back to the beach and among the throngs of Myrtleville Swimmers, once he’s copped on about all this bad weather talk.”
By Order — C.O.L.D. W.I.N.D.