The Central Statistics Office (Leisure Division) have noted a marked decline in industrial output in the Munster region in their 2015 report. Commenting on the report today, senior inspector, Dougal O’Hanlon stated that the trend had been accelerating since 2013 but had really effected the statistics in the last twelve months. Predictions of further decreases in commercial activity are now built into the CSO Data Models for 2016.
“It’s down to those bloody swimmers”, Mr. O’Hanlon postulated. “Any day of the week, there’s gangs of them down in Myrtleville. Do none of them do any work?” He cited examples of dozens of fine fit specimens of humanity out gallivanting during the working day (and Denis Condon was there too). “Why aren’t they indoors, going pasty and contributing to the economy? That’s what I want to know.”, Dougie continued.
Images taken during normal 9-5 workdays were produced to support his argument, with some samples below:
Work? Feck that – we’re going swimmin’.
Accusations of photoshopping to make the January scene look so tempting to those stuck in their offices were denied by Swimming Spokespersons.
“‘Tis indoors like the rest of us that crowd would want to be,” expanded Doug, as his real views came to the fore. “We’re feckin’ stuck, so why should they be out having the craic? Twenty five of them were down there just yesterday – on a feckin’ Thursday!! Gangs more of them today – it’s just not on, not on at all, at all. They’d want to be thinking about contributing to the economy, not enjoying themselves.”
“Get back to work de feckin’ lotta ye,” concluded The Dougmeister, as his presentation descended into chaos with a further diatribe of jealousy towards Myrtlevillians.
The Irish Fiscal Advisory Council have now been asked to intercede and rule that the exponential growth of swimmers in Myrtleville is damaging the green shoots of the economic recovery by showering them in salt water, which green shoots don’t like.