Community Grant application success

It seems a long time ago, but last January it was suggested to Bernard Lynch and myself that some funding from the Cork County Council Community Grant fund might be available to supplement the contributions made by the swimmers for the buoys in Myrtleville.  We got helpful input from Eamonn Mullally and Cllr. Seamus McGrath and submitted the application just in time for Covid19 to shut us all down 🙂 

Today we got news that €2,000 had been allocated to Myrtleville Swimmers for the buoys.  Thanks to any councillors who supported this.  We will now be able to fund the buoys and maintenance for the foreseeable future, without having to ask for donations again.

The suppliers of the buoys in the UK are only back to work a week or so.  We are awaiting updates on delivery but chasing them for the earliest opportunity. We will update on this as soon as possible in the next few days.  In the meantime, swim safe.

Bernard & Damian

Defibrillator back in order

From Glen Barton:

The AED has been reinstated at Myrtleville, and thanks to Victor Shine, the storage cabinet has been upgraded.

To open the cabinet, no key or code is required, just undo the two clasps on the left. An alarm will be activated upon opening, so hopefully this will deter any undesirables.

Please watch the attached video to familiarise yourself with the operation of this AED.

And remember to always call 999 or 112 to request the ambulance service.

Swim Safe.

Defibrillator out of order

Just a note as large numbers of swimmers return to the sea – the AED in Myrtleville needs a new battery, which Glen Barton has ordered.  A new casing will also be organised in the coming weeks.  The battery costs of about €220 and the cost of the new casing will be covered from donations previously received from swimmers.  Thanks for looking after this, Glen 🙂

RNLI Myrtleville to Church Bay 2020

We don’t have certainty about whether our planned event on July 8th will be allowed to go ahead, or if we – more likely – will have to defer to later in the year.  However, we do still plan to run it at the earliest possible opportunity – note the positivity 🙂  – and have decided we’re going to do so as a non-timed swim.  That will allow us more flexibility in organising and not hold our timing partners to a date, when we can’t guarantee it will run.

Whenever restrictions are lifted and it’s safe to do so, we aim to organise the swim this year as more of a “welcome back” for all of us deprived of our time in the sea, rather than a race.  For now, please stay safe and observe the health guidance.

Please keep the noise down

Please remember in the morning that just because you are up, you don’t have to wake the Myrtleville residents. Please keep the noise down. You can enjoy your swim without making excessive noise. Here’s a polite reminder from one resident. To be blunt, they shouldn’t have to remind us – politely or not. 

Hi swimmers, since early morning swimming has commenced again. I would like to remind you that because of the physical features of our beloved Myrtleville noise such as voices in conversation and car doors banging is very amplified. We frequently have noise late into the night from cars, their occupants and their music so the sleep window for residents can be quite brief. I would be most grateful to you if you could take these realities into consideration and I wish you continued enjoyment and benefit from your swimming 🏊🏻‍♀🏊‍♂

2020 RNLI Myrtleville to Church Bay Swim

Grand stretch in the evenings, so it’s time to start planning for the big event.

The 2020 RNLI Myrtleville to Church Bay 2km open water sea swim will take place on Wednesday July 8th, 2020 at 7.00 pm. Mark your diaries!

Entries will open in March and will close at 14.00 on Tuesday, July 7th, 2020.

DSA Announcement

It is with great sadness that the Sanctions Committee of the Dutchman Swimming Association must report on a recently uncovered cheating scandal, which strikes at the heart of all for which the DSA stands. 

As many of you will know, the DSA has strongly supported the – pretty useless – efforts of Mr. Bernie Lynch to swim around our beloved rocks in some kind of a semblance of a straight line.  Years we’ve been supporting him – years.  Here’s an example of the kind of half-assed attempt we’ve had to put up with while still sounding supportive over the years.  Seriously?Despite the embarrassing routinely-submitted evidence of failure, the DSA continued with unflagging support because – sure God help us – we love a trier.  And Bernie?  Sure, Bernie’s a grand fella.  Straight out.  Honest as the day is long.  We thought.

In a shocking turn of events, an anonymous whistle-blower submitted evidence to the DSA that Mr. Lynch was, in fact, WEARING TWO HATS!!!!  This is in direct contravention of rule 74b, subsection 11 which states that one hat only (or none, if you’re Mr. Finbarr) can be worn in all officially-sanctioned Dutchman laps. The evidence was clear – even when hidden under some kind of a pink thing:

An emergency meeting of the Sanctions Committee was called and Mr. Lynch invited to repudiate the allegations.  “Say it ain’t so, Bernie, say it ain’t so”, said the members.  What followed was as blatant an implementation of the Four Ds as you’ll ever see.  Trump would have been only trotting after him.

Dismiss:  “Yerrah what feckin two hats?  Wha?  Me?  Two hats?  Speedo bubble hat? Shag off out of that.  Those bumps under my hat? They’re cornrows – dreadlocks, whatever you call them, like.  Sure I have to tie up my hair some kind of a way”.

Committee: “But Mr. Lynch, we have the pictures”.

Distract: “Pictures?  From that anonymous tout?  Adrian Healy, I’d say.  Him??  Sure he was head to toe in rubber.    A wetsuit, lah.  And he’s calling me for two hats?  What about him?  Wha?  Wha? You’re listening to him?  FFS.”

Committee: “The identity of the anonymous whistle-blower is not relevant.  Anyway, Adrian will be back in togs soon, he was only wearing the suit the one day and he wasn’t trying to submit an official lap claim.  You were.

Distort: “Who said?  Maybe I wasn’t going to submit a claim that day.  Maybe I thought the lines were a bit too bendy.  The rules are all wrong anyway,  Who decides what’s bendy and isn’t?  Who, like?  You?  You? When’s the last time you swam a lap?  And yer man there uses fins.  Feckin one-armed bandit.  Who’s he to say if my lines are bendy?  Anyway, that was a special cold hat.  To make my head colder.  For extra effort, like.

(This went on for quite some time.  The range of counter-allegations and digressions would have done Michael Lowry proud, not to mind Trump).

Committee:  Regardless of all that.  The evidence is clear and sanctions are merited.

(Note: The committee chairman got a book for Christmas of “Fancy things to say at a meeting to sound like you know what you’re doing” by Frank Murphy. It’s very good.  It’s allowing him to replace previous ripostes like “g’wan ya langer” with stuff like “clear” and “merited”.  Fancy, like.)

Dismay: “I don’t believe this.  This is crap.  I’ll leave.  I’ll become a Slapper (Sandycove lapper – obvs).  They’ll accept any ould lap down there, wearing anything. They’d even give ya feckin hats for a lap.  I’ll leave AND I’LL TAKE THE SHAGGIN’ BUOYS WITH ME!!!!”

It’s fair to say that as Mr. Lynch completed his classic implementation of the fourth D, the meeting disintegrated somewhat and the book of fancy things to say went out the window.  G’wan ya langer, echoed loud and clear.

Further meetings may be required.  For now, Mr. Lynch is suspended and if anyone sees him with a load of buoys in a trailer headed for Kinsale- slash his tyres.

Buoy fundraiser this Saturday 14th at 10am

The weather looks OK for Saturday morning – Westerly wind, so Myrtleville will be sheltered and no rain forecast.  We are looking for as many swimmers, friends and family on the beach as possible this Saturday morning donating €10 (or more, if you like!) to fund the cost of the new Spar buoys being installed in February.  Come down, have a dip or just a chat and donate to help with this safety improvement for all swimmers.

Looking forward to seeing a big crowd on Saturday morning. We will re-check the weather tomorrow, Friday, just to be sure!

Bernard Lynch & Damian O’Neill