Swimmers have noted an increase in jellyfish activity in the past few days. Investigators have determined that in the absence of rough water for his Distance Camp swimmers, Ned Denison developed a new challenging strategy for them. In the past few weeks, he has been dumping millions of baby jellies in the waters off Cork – just to watch them grow and then hear the swimmers scream as they plough through them.
In Myrtleville, the Committee Of What De Feck To Do With De Shaggin’ Jellies (COWDFTDWDSJ) met in emergency session on Sunday night, just after batin’ Clare out de gate in Thurles, minor AND senior (Up the Rebels!). Various strategies were explored, all of which sounded more and more feasible as the pints mounted up.
In summary, the following was decided:
Get an underwater scoop to lead the swim, bashing jellies aside as we go. This is it being prepared this morning by Angela Carazza and Siobhan Russell at their dawn swim. Thanks, ladies.
Further safeguard our swimmers by having the entire route trawled repeatedly by local fishing fleets. Sample nets are on express order for Thursday.
Finally, in a bid to keep Mr. Denison from advancing his dastardly plot and mining the route with millions more jellies, we are deploying suitable weaponry along the course.
Guaranteed jelly-free swimming in Myrtleville this Thursday night **** See you there.
****Note, loads and loads of terms and conditions apply. See small print in white text below, containing so many caveats, you’d think up was down. “Jelly-free” does not actually mean there will be no jellyfish. The use of the word “guarantee” in this context is not intended to convey any guarantee that there won’t be jellyfish and, in fact, an absence of jellies is about as likely as Mr. Lynch getting a call up to the Cork team for the semi-final – minor or senior. In conclusion – UP THE REBELS 🙂