The CCCCC (Central Committee for Counteraction of Condon Campaigns) met in emergency session this morning, to deal with an assault of negative waves on the positive vibes found in Myrtleville. This attack is being orchestrated by Denis “It’s my beach and where’s the cake” Condon. He has determined that there are now too many swimmers in Myrtleville and he has vowed to get them to move to other locations.
It may be recalled that action had to be taken in 2015 to combat Mr. Condon’s efforts to get ordinary, decent swimmers into the “fresh” water Camps of North Corkorea. This latest Denisian effort is the culmination of his extreme dissatisfaction with – Quotes:
- Shaggers parkin’ in my feckin’ space
- Feck all cake from de mnás – if dey’re not feedin’ us, dere’s no room
- Dat bloody O’Neill bashin’ into me and my mott
- Dat Maguire wan keepin’ de cakes in Fountaina
His plan is to be found in the last grievance quoted. He has taken aim at poor, unsuspecting Breda Maguire and is encouraging all swimmers to join her in Fountainstown, or as Denis calls it (quote from Facebook) “BREDA MAGUIRE bay where she now has move her feeding station to”.
Other perceived Condon issues and grievances were noted by the CCCCC. However, after due consideration and in a lengthy ruling by its standards, the Committee issued the following statement: “Shag him.”
Following this ruling, we now advise all swimmers to beware of Denis promising good times and unlimited cake just over the road in Fountainstown. Myrtleville is where it’s at. He’ll just have to make room. Or join us for this any morning – lots of room at 6am, Denis. No cake, though.