The world of OW swimming has been rocked this week by revelations of fraud by International Man of Mystery, Denis Cregan-Condon. A regular feature in Society pages and noted Babe Magnet, Mr. Cregan-Condon seemed to have it all.
From Crosshaven to Killary, Lanzarote to Loch Allua, no gathering was complete without him. The foundation of his fortune was his “invention” of the “Cregan-Condon Compact Cloudburst Purification Pourer”.
The devious genius of the jet-setting conman is clear from the title of the “invention” – avoiding the use of the word “Shower”. Once his plan was set in motion by promotional releases on unsuspecting specialist websites (this one), the criminal mastermind just sat back and watched the kudos pour in.
Today, exclusively (because nobody else would bother), this correspondent can reveal that the “invention” is a sham, a fraud, a rip-off and a barefaced attempt to scam a pensioner out of the credit for his life’s work.
The “Purification Pourer” is nothing more than a flagrant and blatant copy of the Harris Shower invented by Mr. M. Harris of Back of the Island a long, long, long, long, long time ago.
Thanks to intrepid sleuthing by an undercover agent known only as LaLa, slightly creased pictures have emerged online. They clearly demonstrate the shower in use by the proud inventor, Mr. Harris, in 1962.
Despite some initial reservations that Mr. Harris couldn’t actually have looked like that in 1962, independent confirmation was received that he has actually looked the same since he was three. He was a very distinguished child, insiders said.
Mr. Cregan-Condon was not available for comment as we went to print. Calls to his main office at the top of the slip in Myrtleville went unanswered. With his reputation in tatters, it remains to be seen how he can restore his position in swimming circles. Is this the end of the line for the self-styled International Man of Mystery and Babe Magnet? Will his days of carousing be over? The world awaits….
NOTE: Got a tip-off? Know something that the world should hear? Get in touch on TOTESMADEUPBALLS@MYRTLEVILLESWIMMERS.COM. Reward of a 4 hour swim with Mr. Finbarr on Christmas morning to anyone who provides a tip-off that’s published.