The Condon School of Meteorology

Meteorology is the interdisciplinary scientific study of the atmosphere.   There are many schools of thought and systems in the field of meteorology.  As some of you may know, in Myrtleville we are followers of the Condon System of meteorological reporting and prediction.  This is often known as DWx2, or by its full title of “d’wedder and d’water”.

It has been noted by some observers that the Condon System often produces forecasts – or even current weather reports – which are at odds with what appears to be reality.  For instance, you could be standing on the slip in Myrtleville with the rain lashing down and twelve foot waves hopping off the beach.  Denis will loudly proclaim: “d’wedder’s gettin’ better and d’water’s roastin’ –  feckin’ roastin’, boy!” (or mná, as appropriate).

Following this proclamation by Denis, you are then left with the choice of:

  1. disagreeing with him – thus creating a doubt in your mind about whether you’ll be able to get in to the quite-evidently bloody freezing water – or,
  2. agreeing with him – thus tricking yourself into thinking it’ll be ok, as you shuffle down the beach towards the water reciting, “Denis says it’s warm! Denis says it’s warm!”

Of course, everyone chooses to go with option B – it makes life easier and we know he’s right that we will be glad we did it.

Still DWx2 is a bit confusing, so by way of public service here’s an explanation of how it works.  Suppose, for the purposes of illustration, that the Met Eireann weather forecast is as follows:

“SW gales, gusting to force 9.  Sea temperatures of 8c and consistent, heavy rain.”

The DWx2 forecast would then read: “Fierce interestin’ swimmin’. Loadsa shelter in under Bunny’s.  Roastin’ water – about 14 degrees and a nice shower to keep de waves down”.  In other words, “d’wedder’s grand, boy/mná – and d’water’s feckin’ gorgeous”.

You can apply this system to any other forecast you wish because – in the Condon School – “d’wedder’s always de berries and d’water’s ALWAYS roastin’ or – at worst – toasty”.  Oh, and “ye’re all fabulous and fantastic for swimmin’ in de sea”.

Here’s Kieran Murphy’s take on the Condon forecasting system:

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