The fantastic new safety buoys (thanks #healthyireland 🙂 ) are in considerable and consistent use. A number of swimmers have asked if there will be a lap-counting system, similar to that practiced in other, less popular swim venues – where it’s important to numerically note anyone swimming there since, as they say, what’s seldom is wonderful.
This is obviously a serious matter so it was felt we should respond like a proper club, for once. The lappy-hat situation was referred to Central Council level. After much deliberation the Central Council referred the matter to the Joint Committee, who referred it to a Strategic Policy Panel, who established a Working Group, who recommended the issue be considered by a new committee, the Committee Of Dedicated Swimmers Who Absolutely Love Lapping Or Pontificating (CODSWALLOP Committee, for short). CODSWALLOP have now duly pontificated.
“We in Myrtleville have often said that our swimmers are more than just numbers. We would not dream of reducing their achievements to mere figures. On this point, we were also unable to determine how to answer the very reasonable question from D. Condon about what he would do once he ran out of fingers, like. Numbers were therefore out.
However, due to demand, there will still, indeed, be a recognition system for laps achieved in Myrtleville.”
The system will operate under three levels, will be self-regulated and only vaguely numerical. It’s more of a feeling thing. The levels are as follows:
1. Rakes Of Feckin’ Laps (ROFL Level)
This is the entry level achievement and is expected to be the most popular. Swimmers will be entitled to wear this hat once they’ve gone for a few swims and feel they know the buoys well (“dere’s six of dem, like. Yellow ones.”). The ROFL hat is for anyone who feels justified in answering “rakes of dem” when asked if they are doing many laps these days. This could be two laps for some or a hundred and six for others. Really – who cares? You want ROFL hat? Have a ROFL hat. If you want, we’ll have a presentation ceremony. Rob Bohane is available for that kind of thing. Whatever, like.
2. Laps – Many And Ongoing (LMAO Level)
This is a level for all regular swimmers. If you’re out there and going around lappishly, award yourself a LMAO hat. Soon all your friends will want one. It’s above the ROFL because of its connotation of all-year round swimming and “dere’s no stoppin me, like” charisma. If you’re a LMAO guy or gal – wear a LMAO hat.
3. Langerload Of Laps (LOL Level)
This is the pinnacle of achievement in Myrtleville. We really don’t expect to see many of these hats, or at least not for a few years. You’d want to be out there a lot to justify a LOL, like. They’ll stand out from the crowd, the LOLs. “Look, he’s a LOL, lah. Look, lah. A LOL”. That’s what the awestruck other swimmers will say when they see a langer in a LOL hat, like. We’ll wait to see who comes out of the pack to justify a LOL for themselves.
How to get a relevant hat:
Once you feel you have achieved the level required to wear the relevant hat, here’s what you do. Get either a blank hat or one you can turn inside out. For demonstration purposes, we’re using one Bernie Lynch gave us after some ould swim he did in 2016. You’ll also need a permanent marker – any colour you like. No restrictions on your creativity. Your workspace should look like this:
Then, make your hat. Here’s a sample with fancy wave motify things (yes, that’s what they are) – but don’t be restrained. Make yours as unique as you like. Then, wear it with pride.
Just to be a bit motivational, we also did one for LOLs. Aim for it. Push yourself. You know you can do a langerload of laps. When you do – wear that hat. You are a LOL. Definitely worth an exclamation mark, a LOL.
Be sure to send in pictures of yourselves in your new hats as you work through the levels. You know we’d all just love to see them.