The response to the new lap recognition system has been most gratifying, with so many swimmers working towards their chosen level. However, as with all new systems which are innovative – indeed, groundbreaking in a watery kind of way – queries have arisen. The most recent committee meeting pontificated as follows on said queries:
Q. Can I sell my laps to other people if I have loads of them? (Denis – he never lost it.)
A. Yes, definitely. Also, if you find someone willing to buy laps, the committee has a unique first edition crayon copy of the Book of Kells and also the title deeds to Patrick’s Bridge for sale. Be sure to put them on to us.
Q. What’s the story with the buoys only being there for April to October – how does this effect lap-counting relative to other lap-counting systems?
A. This is adjusted with reference to the Myrtleville Multiplier. As you can only swim around the buoys for seven months of the year, you need to multiply your laps completed by 1.714287 to calculate annual laps towards your langerload of them.
For example, if you took the number of laps Gary Frost has completed in the last month and multiplied it by 1.714287, you would get – about 1.714287, or maybe a bit less. Doing a lot of standing on the beach, is Gary.
Q. What about really cold water laps – how are they handled?
A. Since the buoys aren’t there for the depths of Winter, it’s possible that really cold won’t come into the equation. However, if it does get below 5c and a lap is completed, the committee has determined that the swimmer concerned will immediately merit a hat. It will be known, obviously enough, as an Ice LOL. Loop the Loop, probably.