It has been noted by a small picky, picky, picky few of the thousands of satisfied buoy-lappers that the underside or nether regions of the new buoys are not as sparkly clean as when they were first installed. These dirty bottoms are, apparently, causing a degree of discomfort for these picky (×3) swimmers. They (the picky ones) feel that the entirely natural and expected build up of weed and – dare one say – slime on the underside of the buoys is lowering the tone of the Myrtleville experience on their Insta stories.
Never fear, Myrtlevillians. Today, we are delighted to announce that qualms and concerns regarding the buoys are being addressed – under the command of Lieutenant Commander James Shalloo (Ret’d).
Cap’n Jim (that other rank stuff is way too long to keep typing) is establishing a roster for pair of crack teams to be known as the SAS. That’s Swabbers And Scrubbers, obvs.
Contacted for details, Cap’n Jim was fierce nauticalish altogether about his plans.
“Avast ye”, says he. “This scuttlebutt about seaweed and barnacles wouldn’t have happened on my ship. We’ll enlist two crews – Shanghai them if we have to – and get those buoys shipshape and Bristol fashion twice a week. Swabbers on Monday and Scrubbers on Thursday. There’ll be no swinging the lead either. Not on my watch.”
He really knows Navy talk, does Cap’n Jim. He also plans to spare no expense in equipping the crews – or at least in equipping himself to inspect their work. He has demanded funds for this inspection craft. The Committee for How to say Feck Off without hurting feelings is considering it.
Anyway, all volunteers are to sign up for duty on www.swabscrub.jim and they will be duly assigned their roles as either a swabber or scrubber. If he likes the cut of your jib, Cap’n Jim might even let you pick which you are.
Form an orderly queue and let’s get the asses of these buoys looking good for the Gram, peeps.