A bit of an interesting morning yesterday. Walking down the beach I heard a greeting from behind me – “Good morning, Bernard”. Surprised – as I hadn’t noticed his car and didn’t think Bernard was around – I glanced back and realised the salutation was aimed at me.

I was glassesless (functionally blind), so I had a good squint and realised that it was the Swimmy Swami himself who was addressing me. “Not Bernard, Marcus”, I replied. He seemed unfazed. A further squint allowed me to identify that the equally unperturbed person standing beside him was, in fact, Bernard’s sister, AnneMarie. I mentioned that I thought she might have recognised that I wasn’t her brother but she just said something about interchangeability and wasn’t a bit concerned. “Feckin hell”, I thought, and off I went.

Having given this some consideration, I think the best approach is for me to offer a pictorial guide to avoid any confusion in future. Let’s be very clear – there’s only one Bernard. I’m Notbernard. Sorry, not Bernard. No.

So, here we go…. First: Bernard:

Now, I hope that’s helpful and we won’t have any more cases of mistaken identity or imputed interchangeability. OK, Marcus? AnneMarie?